walking into the wrong class
THAT OWL LOOKS SO FUCKING
does the A in USA stand for ally
fuck u blame autocorrect
put peanut butter on a pinecone and roll it in bird seed. hang it up outside. wait.
"I heart my car" she says as she pumps its hole full of love fluid, but their half-hearted smiles betray the truth. They’re just going through the motions, each silently wondering which will be the first to admit that the spark is gone.
THIS STRANGER JUST OPENED MY FRONT DOOR PETTED MY DOG SAW ME AND LEFT
i just met my step-brother for the first time
The Boston Symphony was performing Beethoven’s Ninth. In the piece, there’s a long passage about 20 minutes during which the double basses have nothing to do. Rather than sit around the whole time looking stupid, some bassists decided to sneak offstage…
whats the difference between bi people and unicorns
i can see unicorns on movies and tv
Finish the sentence: Do me
a favor and do me
and fucking do me
and then after that you’re going to fucking do me
#I’d say ‘that escalated quickly’#but actually it refused to escalate anywhere